Sunday, December 30, 2007

Over numbers, unencumbered numbered words

I was just watching a mildly inappropriate movie called Four Eyed Monsters. It starts off explaining that the four eyed monsters are couples. The narrator, whos is also one of the main characters, explains how he is envious of these monsters and details their characteristics. I think a lot of the movie could have been left out. A lot of it though said important things. I wish I had a video camera. I had one at one point, but it wasn't digital, and it seems to have dissappeared in the move.

Today was the second day at the gym. I loaded up my ipod with Doboy and was on the eliptical thing for 50 minutes. I really didn't feel like I accomplished anything. I coulda kept on going for hours but Katie came over and said she had to leave. She said I should try playing with the settings to make it harder. I had my eyes closed almost the entire time and it was much more pleasant than last time. My ipod battery normally dies after 15 minutes, but it lasted the whole time.

I talked to my old boss Jeff today. I wish I had had more time to chat. Sounds like things in the town of Agawam are going well. New fish, new mayor, new hardware.

I sat around today all by myself after the gym. There's really nobody around right now. I went through my phone book looking for local people that aren't visiting New England right now and all the ones that aren't were busy. I need to make some new friends. Maybe there's some people outside the ward the are friendlier (because the ones in the ward don't seem to be). Tomorrow I am going to Elder Ryan Johnson's homecoming. It'll be awesome to see him again.

The title: Jason Mraz - You and I Both

Saturday, December 29, 2007

What You Need

Over the past few days I have been on and off super sick. Fever, nausea, hallucinating. yeah, I should have gone to the hospital I'm pretty sure, but I don't have insurance yet. Mitt Romney needs to take over the country and get the whole USA some affordable insurance. the other thing I needed, some Tylenol. I was so sick I couldn't even get out of bed for some long stretches of the past few days. When I started feeling better I figured it was over and didn't go out and buy any. Now I'm at work, sick again, and I wish I had tylenol to at least kill this fever.

I went to the Gym tonight for the first time ever. Why aren't gyms filled with chubby out of shape people? It wasn't a terrible experience, in fact it was really nifty to try out some of the bajillion weight machines. The aerobic machines don't seem like they are means for someone with knee problems, or that have one leg a little shorter than the other. I think the gym would be most enjoyable blindfolded.

I leave for Florida in less than a week. I better be feeling better by then.

Going along with the new gym membership will be a diet. Katie, Lacey, and I will be starting a diet on the first (the day before I leave) and we'll be helping each other out. My job is to make people eat healthy, Katie's is to get me to the gym, and as far as I can tell Lacey's job is to motivate us to be anywhere even remotely as skinny as she is. I haven't figured out why she thinks she needs to lose any weight.

I continue to be at a loss for plans for my birthday. I plan my own birthday party every year and I'm not looking forward to turning 30, so I'll just let it pass I guess. There will be many other people's birthdays that I will have time to plan throughout the rest of the year.

The title: INXS - What You Need

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

We're just human, amusing and confusing

As Christmas got closer I feared that I'd be spending it alone sitting at my house here in Utah. My friend Lacey saved me, and I could not have imagined in my wildest dreams that she'd invite me to her house for Christmas. All the action there happens on Christmas Eve. They make little sacks of treats and toys for everyone that comes. Different people bring different soups. There's a Toy Soldier parade with instruments. The Twelve Days of Christmas song with giant posters and each person with their poster singing that part. They sing songs with everyone there singing a couple different words. There's a talent show! It was soooo awesome of a time, I can't even explain. Everyone there was super nice, and lots of fun. I wish I Lacey sang more, she has such an incredible voice. After most of the people left they started playing pinochle which is also a tradition. I couldn't figure it out. They even gave me a cheat sheet, but it didn't help. Maybe because I hadn't slept in forever, I'm not sure, maybe next time a pinochle game breaks out I'll try to get it again. I went to bed at 10:30 and didn't wake up until around 7:30. I slept in the most comfy bed ever. It was like sleeping on a giant pillow. Christmas morning we emptied out stockings and openned presents. Santa still found me, even though I was so far from home! The rest of the day was a lazy relaxing day. I helped make cheeseburger soup for dinner and then headed home so I could make it to work. I think the best parts of the two days were hanging out with Lacey and singing with all the little kids. The large amount of little kids was really terrific.

By the time I got home I had a killer migraine and called into work and went to sleep. Today I am feeling much better. I have presents too! My brother got me a gift card to Snowbird and my parents got me a surround sound system. I'm going to have to really learn to ski with this bent leg. I'm going to have to find something to hook this surround sound system up too as well!

One week till I leave for Florida!! Two weeks and two days till my birthday!!

The title: Jack Johnson - Never Know

Thursday, December 20, 2007

It Never Rains in Southern California

Yesterday I was in California! It was my first time there, and it was pretty uneventful. I was only there a few hours, and it was dark by the time I got to Long Beach. It was also raining. I was there to pick up Sarah Vasicek. She said she's been there 5 months and it has only rained 5 times, and that was one of them. I got to see the pacific ocean, and although it was in the dark, it was still cool. In fact, accross the bay there were cool building lit up that Sarah said were ugly during the day. I didn't get any pictures because I didn't want to take my camera out in the rain. Oh, I went down a one way street in the wrong direction when we were leaving and the cops chased me back in the other direction. I went to a Jack in the Box which I had never been to and got a chocolate shake. It wasn't very good. It snowed decenly hard for the last 300 miles of the trip, up until two towns south of Orem. Why can't it snow here?!?!

Last night at work I was kinda grumpy because I was tired and hungry. I started a diet, and I hate being hungry. Diets are supposed to be permanent, not just a temporary thing to lose weight. That's why I like weight watchers. I could live on that diet. Still, I had an egg and cheese omelette as soon as I got home from work. I gotta get used to eating less, and not eating junk very often. I've done it before, I can do it again.

Just a few days till Christmas. Starting to feel pretty crummy about not having anything to give anyone. I can't even regift stuff that I moved here cause lots of it is broken. Stupid movers, broke all my stuff and took all my money.

There's no sun today, so far at least, and I'm pretty happy about that. It looks like it will precipitate, which usually means a low pressure front, which means better sleeping!

The title: Albert Hammond - It Never Rains in Southern California

Monday, December 17, 2007

Food, glorious food

Lately I've been gaining a bit of weight. Over the past few weeks I have made dozens and dozens of cookies and brownies, not to mention some impressively unhealthy meals. Yesterday I was planning on starting a diet, but was reminded of the familiar "The diet starts tomorrow" when I was invited to a birthday party at which was served a full-blown Thanksgiving dinner. The food was absolutely amazing. The birthday party was for my friend Nicole and the dinner was cooked by Lacie.

So, I looked on Craigslist and there are people offerring to transfer their Gold's Gym memberships for free (so you skip the signup fees) and you just continue to pay the monthly fee. I should be getting one tomorrow. I had to find a Gym that was decently priced and that was open 24 hours so that I can go there on my days off.

I'm still looking for something to do for Christmas. So far it looks like I might be sitting at home by myself in an empty house eating leftovers or something. Everyone is going home for Christmas, which I kind of wish I was, especially with the 2 feet of snow in Massachusetts.

My trip to California has changed to Tuesday the 18th. I should get to Long Beach around 6pm.

The title: Oliver! - Food, Glorious Food

Sunday, December 16, 2007

How to save a life.

Here at work we have many interesting conversations. Right now there is a discussion going on about abortion. More specifically, whether it should be legal or not. It started between someone here who is a member of the church and someone who used to be a member. Interestingly the person who is no longer a member seems to know his stuff much better and has doctrine to back up everything he says. I know a few people who have had abortions. I do not think that people should have them. I think that there are better options. I talked to one of the people I know that had an abortion once and she said that the guilt of it has never left her. I would imagine that is a common thing. How could you not think back on what could have been if you had made other choices (no matter what the choice)? Aren't you glad your mom chose life? So then why would I think abortion should be legal? There are people that would go through with abortion anyways. At least now when someone goes in for abortion they are given the other choices. Many chose those other choices. There isn't enough saturation in the education of what the choices are to make it illegal. Imagine a 15 or 16 year old girl who discovers she is pregnant. She fears that having this baby will burden her financially for the rest of her life. If abortion is legal then she will go somewhere and be educated on adoption. If abortion were illegal then that would never happen. She may have a friend try and punch her in the stomach a bunch of times, or use a coat-hanger. This girl would then be endangering herself due to lack of knowledge of her options. The results could be still having a baby, but that is badly disfigured or handicapped, or she could even end up dying.

In 1973, the First Presidency of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints released the following statement regarding abortion, which is still applicable today:
"The Church opposes abortion and counsels its members not to submit to or perform an abortion except in the rare cases where, in the opinion of competent medical counsel, the life or good health of the mother is seriously endangered or where the pregnancy was caused by rape and produces serious emotional trauma in the mother. Even then it should be done only after counseling with the local presiding priesthood authority and after receiving divine confirmation through prayer."

The title: The Fray - How to Save a Life

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

I want to hug you

To all the people out there that I haven't hugged in a while:

The title: John Lee Hooker - I Want to Hug You

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

I don't belong here.

I went to my ward Christmas party last night and I felt really out of place. The majority of the people in my ward aren't all that friendly, or at least not to new people, and I classify myself in that category even though I've been here for months. Someone had mentioned something like this in the Amherst ward back home. So far it seems that people only do stuff in the ward that applies to their calling, and they don't ask for anyone to help who doesn't have a calling for it. I've never seen the activities committee ask for help. If people aren't on the fellowshipping committee then they don't talk to new people.

So, I do feel like Utah is the right place to be, without a doubt, i just don't want to do anything that has to do with my ward. The few times I tried to go to FHE at Jake's nobody answered the door. Not to mention that there is no spiritual content to FHE here, and it doesn't feel like a family like it did back in MA. Ward prayer, appropriately nicknamed ward stare, is kinda odd. Church itself is ok, but when the only people that talk to you are your roommates, the fellowshipping committee, and the elder's quorum presidents it's not really enjyable to be there. When I try to talk to people they run away.

I think Esther has been avoiding me for a while now. I'm not sure why, but I'm sure it's a good reason. She leaves when I am here. When I text her she rarely answers, and if she does she usually just tells me to go cook something.

I have to be at a Bishopric meeting in 10 minutes.

The title: Radiohead - Creep

Sunday, December 9, 2007

I wish everyone was loved tonight, and somehow stop this endless fight.

I don't know if it's happenning where you are, but here, the world is falling apart. I'm not even talking about mine, but people's worlds, their whole lives, just all of a sudden imploding. I can't save them all, in fact, it seems I can't save any of them. So, if you see something going wrong, stop it before it does. If you see something nice you can do, then do it before it's too late.

Today I slept. I didn't even want to get out of bed. I love snow sooo much, but it wasn't worth facing the day today. I finally got out of bed around 8pm and just about the entire day was wasted. Tomorrow won't be a waste. I can't wait to go to church.

I don't want anything from anyone this year for Christmas. If you had planned on getting me something give it to someone else, cause I'm doing fine, and there's definitely other people that could use it more.

The title: Goo Goo Dolls - Better Days

Saturday, December 8, 2007

The lights go out and I can't be saved

I find myself in a neverending spot of misplaced emotion. Loving the pain and ungrateful for the pleasure. Maybe I really haven't grown up. Maybe I'm stuck at 18. I never wanted to get any older. When I saw Tuck Everlasting I wanted to be "stuck" with them. It's an imperfection in my thinking that causes a lot of trouble. I am appreciative of all the kindness that has ever been given to me, especially the stuff that without any personal motive. For my shortsightedness in this lack of acknowledgment I submit my apology. An apology that in any form is inadequate.

How is it that there are those that have surpassed me in their capability to act like an adult when they are so much closer to the beginning of being an adult than I am. I guess when you act like an adult, you become one, so in that case they are leading by a long way.

The title: Coldplay - Clocks

Friday, December 7, 2007

Crazy thoughts have quick wings

A friend called me today for help, so on the 22nd I am driving to California. I know that sounds crazy, but I've never been to California and they need help.

Tonight at work has been absolutely insane busy. I love it!

The title: Jem - Save Me

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

When the Angels Sing

Music lately is everywhere. It's Christmas, so why wouldn't it be? I think it adds a bit of happiness to the world. I was talking to someone at work last night about how Christmas music is different from any other music, and how I wish they played it year round. He said it has something happy about it, something celebratory in mood that normal music does not have. He's not a member of the church, which I thought was interesting to note considering the comment. Although probably not meant in this way, I agree with the comment. I think that many Christmas songs celebrate the birth of Christ. It doesn't end there though. Christmas songs are a celebration of happiness, life, and charity.

In the church that I belong to we believe that when you are married you are not just married until death do you part. You are married for all of time and eternity. Maybe that plays a part in why I am still single, I'm not completely sure. I never thought of myself as picky, BUT I do know that I want to be sure that the person I marry is someone that I will love spending the rest of my life, and afterlife with. Some people should lean a little more in that direction I think. I believe that in this point in my life that if I dated someone for 6 months I would be fairly certain at that point whether I could, or would, spend the rest of my life with that person. I see people who break up and get back together over and over again and it blows my mind when they make the decision to get married. I fear. I fear with great intensity getting married some day and having it all fall apart.

I sent an email to my manager and supervisors a few says ago that I thought might ruffle some feathers. Amazingly it was well received. There are a lot of unhappy people at my job. Our computers are extremely locked down, to the point where doing our job is impeded by the security limitations we have had put on us. They had promised us shift differential when we were hired, but we have yet to see that. We do not get paid for holidays until we have worked there for 6 months. Medical benefits cannot start until at the very earliest the first day of the 4th month of employment. I know at least one person who plans on leaving soon no matter what the changes. Every person we lose makes our job harder.

I made cookies tonight. Yet again stuck at home on my night off with absolutely nothing to do at 4 in the morning. I've had a bit of a writer's block as of late, so I just figured if I sat down in front of the computer maybe the words would come out.

An amazing girl dragged me to the barber shop this week to get my hair cut. A girl who has no interest in me at all. A girl that although quite incredible appears to have low self esteem, and yet, not so low that she would have any attraction to me. I marvel at the depth of my inadequacies daily. Miranda has committed me to think only positive things of myself, but I must admit, it's one of the hardest assignments I have ever had. I think there may be others who understand this. Maybe there is someone who likes me that I have no interest in. To those ladies I offer my apology. The haircut has earned me many compliments. Whether hollow or sincere I know not.

The title: Social Distortion - When the Angles Sing