Tuesday, December 11, 2007

I don't belong here.

I went to my ward Christmas party last night and I felt really out of place. The majority of the people in my ward aren't all that friendly, or at least not to new people, and I classify myself in that category even though I've been here for months. Someone had mentioned something like this in the Amherst ward back home. So far it seems that people only do stuff in the ward that applies to their calling, and they don't ask for anyone to help who doesn't have a calling for it. I've never seen the activities committee ask for help. If people aren't on the fellowshipping committee then they don't talk to new people.

So, I do feel like Utah is the right place to be, without a doubt, i just don't want to do anything that has to do with my ward. The few times I tried to go to FHE at Jake's nobody answered the door. Not to mention that there is no spiritual content to FHE here, and it doesn't feel like a family like it did back in MA. Ward prayer, appropriately nicknamed ward stare, is kinda odd. Church itself is ok, but when the only people that talk to you are your roommates, the fellowshipping committee, and the elder's quorum presidents it's not really enjyable to be there. When I try to talk to people they run away.

I think Esther has been avoiding me for a while now. I'm not sure why, but I'm sure it's a good reason. She leaves when I am here. When I text her she rarely answers, and if she does she usually just tells me to go cook something.

I have to be at a Bishopric meeting in 10 minutes.

The title: Radiohead - Creep


Amy said...

I've felt like that, too. Sometimes wards are weird. Sometimes you get a good one. Our stake got rid of ward stare. And there was much rejoicing. Come play with me...Sunday night, or maybe next week Tues-Sat. I'll be all alone with nothing to do.

svasicek said...

you belong in my heart!